Your tits are I can't wait for
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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