Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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