You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
third nipple confirmed
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
