Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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