My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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