I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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