He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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