We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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