I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
