If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
