Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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