I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
