So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
