Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
