you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
