I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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