I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
