and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Let's paint friendship bongs
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
