From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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