i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
