I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
