Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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