Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
