OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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