dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He better not be in your backpack
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
