I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
