Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
