I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
