I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
