I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
