Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
