She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize