She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
