Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
