Midget sex pt 2 tonight
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
