she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
