I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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