I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
