just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
