I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
