ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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