you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
