I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
this beer tastes like vomit already
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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