Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
