party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
