we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
