I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
