I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
