i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
