There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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